someone threw a dead crab at me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
