I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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