Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
