My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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