I hate all girls vehemently.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
