my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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