I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
