remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
