Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
