im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
