Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
