I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
