We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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