we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
