dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
