I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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