oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
