I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
