discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
