When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm both gender and math confused
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
