I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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