Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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