Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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