i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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