he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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