drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
