if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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