i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
