You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
