So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
