Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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