Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
