Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
