what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
