The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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