yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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