nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
