he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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