I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
