He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
