well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
