so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
