drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
