I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
