we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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