i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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