Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
