remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
