His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Someone signed my nipple.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
