Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
