Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A+ Viking dick
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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