She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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