dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think I just sharted jello shots
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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