i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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