2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
