tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
