She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
