i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
