It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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