i think i have herpe
just one?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
