No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
